From the Southern:
These clever lobbyists are all over Blagojevich, Springfield
By Kurt Erickson
Saturday, April 12, 2008 11:00 PM CDT
An exhaustive review of state documents last week determined there is no lobbyist in Springfield who exclusively represents the marshmallow industry.
That's not to say the marshmallow people don't have someone working the halls of the State Capitol.
Indeed, John Wyma, the consummate insider lobbyist, represents Kraft Foods, one of the major purveyors of marshmallows in the entire universe.
But, it's clear that Wyma has not been focused on the marshmallow side of Kraft's global business interests.
We're pretty sure of all this because of what Gov. Rod Blagojevich is planning to do to marshmallow sales in Illinois.
As you know, the governor has directed his political operatives at the Illinois Department of Natural Resources to raise fees at state campgrounds.
If they get their way, the cost for a night of sleeping under the stars in a $60,000 recreational vehicle will rise to $35 if you so happen to be enjoying the outdoors on one of the summer's holiday weekends.
This seems a tad bit high. For just about $8 more, you could be spending Memorial Day or the Fourth of July in one of those motels near an interstate cloverleaf.
In a bed. With cable TV. And, air conditioning.
You still might have to deal with pesky insects, but you probably won't have a campfire.
And without a campfire, you're not gonna have marshmallows.
Here's where a clever lobbyist would come in.
Rather than raise prices at campgrounds, a creative-minded fixer could suggest another route.
For instance, he or she could piggyback the idea of boosting Illinois marshmallow sales with a plan to reduce the state's sales tax on gasoline.
With fuel prices expected to hit $4 during the summer driving season, some Illinois lawmakers want to cut the state's collection of its sales tax on gas.
Of course, with the governor needing every penny he can get his hands on to expand health insurance programs, cutting a revenue source like the gas tax isn't high on the Blagojevich to-do list.
His agenda, however, isn't working. The idea of progress in Springfield has become debating the merits of NASCAR license plates and honoring Oprah Winfrey.
The governor's staffers have become super-despondent about the non-stop negative stories about their boss.
When things are bleak, they issue press releases saying the governor has distributed food to a food bank. Not even during the darkest days of George Ryan's tenure did his press staff stoop to the level of a press release about distributing food to a food bank.
So, as part of his 2008 resurrection, the governor would announce he's dropping his plan to boost fees at campgrounds.
Then, he would announce he's pushing for a cut in the state's gas tax.
He'd say, "Look, even if we cut the gas tax, the price of fuel will still be high."
"But," he'd add, "we'll cut you a break on gas and keep campground rates at their present levels if you'd just spend your summer vacations within the borders of the Land of Lincoln."
And, rather than dump all over downstate, the governor could launch a pro-parks campaign, seeking to lure people to the relative wilderness of places like Lake Shelbyville.
Instead of staying home and worrying over rising gas prices and the outcome of Tony Rezko's federal corruption trial, people would fill the campgrounds.
They'd learn that coffee can be made in an old saucepan over a wood fire and not just in some trendy chain that has free wireless access and over-priced flaxseed muffins.
And, most important of all, they'd buy marshmallows.
They could sit around the fire ring talking about little known marshmallow facts, such as how more than 50 percent of them are toasted over a fire, according to a top marshmallow Web site.
They could argue over whether marshmallows are tastier once they catch on fire or if it's better to toast each edge to a light golden brown before plucking it off the stick.
And, when that conversation got old, they'd sit around the campfire at night talking about how much they appreciated the governor for his swell ideas.
Well, maybe that last part wouldn't happen.